who do we really know?

there comes a time in our existence that adults are no longer “older” and you realize they don’t know more than you; they have the same problems you do; in some cases they are more ignorant, less responsible, sometimes abandoned, feel just as purposeless.  when do we learn by example?  when is enough enough?  how do we prolong progress so much of our lives just to come back to the actualization that we’ve advanced at the rate carpet grows?  we are in the exact need i crave.

once upon a time…

well, being a female this is how all my stories as a child began.  because when i was a little girl i was never told i could be something wonderful, successful, meaningful to myself.  i could be something meaningful to one person - a man.  that’s right, the story went… once upon a time there was a beautiful princess (me) and she met a handsome prince…  since birth i was given a doll because - what?  oh, that’s right my only goal in life is to be a mother!?!  boys were given firetrucks, building blocks, etc.  hmmm, just a wonder why i hear an abiding tick in my head; so similar to what i could only conjure up would sound like a biological clock.

so, let’s just say i meet a man, for shits and giggles, a doctor.  let’s say seemed like maybe he could be the prince i was required to meet since before i was conceived.  but turns out he is vindictive, unfaithful, unstable and plain shameful.  well, as aforementioned one would think we would learn our much needed lessons but it comes to mind that, in general, we don’t.  why is it with all the brilliance of my friends and more i see the same pain continue in a vicious-sadistic cycle?  of course, me included.

–’could i have been a better person, if i could only do it all again’–